Friday, October 05, 2007

Three things I know for sure...

Sorry I've been neglecting you, my dear blog, but I have been away researching the three following things:

1. Die Hard 4.0 is the greatest movie ever made. Bar none. Its fact, don't fight it. Now you may call me crazy and try to have me locked up in an insane asylum but Citizen Kane has finally been overtaken as the greatest cinematic achievement of all time. Watching this masterpiece, you start to see little flaws of logic as to how Bruce Willis could drive from New York to Washington to Baltimore then to West Virginia to some other place within the space of an hour but you soon forget such trivial issues when he jumps from his exploding truck onto the wing of a passing fighter jet. Every movie should have the line "You killed a helicopter with a car." Actually, scrub that, no more movies should ever be made because perfection has been reached.

2. Being an air stewardess or steward is a thankless job even though you get to go to cool places. So I have decided that no matter how many times I have seen the safety instructions, I will watch them intently. Why? Because no one else seems to and that's sad because its the stewardesses/stewards moment in the sun, their time to shine and I want them to know they have my full attention so they can enjoy that moment. Well, ok, I'll watch most of the time and pretend to pay attention all the other times like when people are talking to me about their problems. Promise. I'm joking, I never pay attention to people's problems...

3. See this grainy, camera phone photo which looks like it was suspiciously smuggled out of somewhere paparazzi style? Well, that's me in hospital with a kidney stone which for anyone who hasn't had one feels like a 6ft skinhead trying to kick his way out of your kidney. When the Doctor asked me to describe what was going on I said the following "Its something to do with my kidney, kidney pain, kidney infection, kidney death, kidney plague, I don't know what it is but I can assure you it hurts." This was while I was writhing around in agony waiting for the panadeine forte to kick in after three hours. By this time my 6ft skinhead had escalated into a full on football riot.

So kids: Dehydration + hot days = kidney stones. That's what I found out in the time I've been gone.

1 comment:

sunny said...

You are right about Die Hard 4. and I agree, i feel its rude to ignore the stewardess
where are you?