Congratulations Zac and Carissa, love you. Jon x
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
Weather apocalypse...
I don't want to sound alarmist but I am sitting in the middle of the most intense storm I've seen since... well, since Tuesday at least. Its about 4:30pm and the sky is this green/black colour and from where I'm sitting in my office, there is lightning in front and behind me. The building is shaking, the thunder is deafening and text messages cannot be sent. Looks like I'm stuck in the office until it blows over which may be NEVER! So if you haven't heard from me in a few days, I'm in the Faculty of Architecture eating the other survivors...
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Election hangover
One thing that struck me re-reading my drunken election watch ramble from yesterday is just how angry the words are. I don’t think there’s anyway around the fact that I feel very deeply about the responsibilities of Government and their role in our society. John Howard stood for everything I stand against and it is within this one, petty selfish man I have channeled my rage about the world for quite some time. Last night was a catharsis eleven years in the making and I didn’t feel that satisfied or happy. I’m just glad it’s done with.
Why John Howard? Why not any other politician? I mean, there are very few politicians I like let alone trust in this day and age but there was something about John Howard that is special. I guess it comes down to this: John Howard the man was identical to John Howard the policy maker. I think that is ultimately that led to his demise but also why he riled me so much. Howard wanted to create an individualistic nation, one where you only care as much as it concerns you or your hip pocket; that its not your problem or your fault when things go wrong and worst of all, there is always someone to blame for everything apart from yourself. I see these attitudes in my work life sometimes and this conceited arrogance burns brightly. John Howard created this but like his ideology, he would only accept responsibility for the stuff that didn’t make him look bad.
Want examples? The Cronulla riots were a boil over of the racist ideology of the Liberal Government, those terror policies of “us against them” turned real. Howard said he did not contribute to them and the rampant nationalism on display (on a par with the National Front) was not racist, just a misguided display of patriotism. Any pragmatic witness to these riots would beg to differ I believe. I hated the way he exploited 9/11 and Bali as a means to bring about hatred against Muslims in our community and as a justification for some of the most Draconian terror laws in the world. He used fear to sell himself and when the threat never came to fruition, it was like he was almost wishing for a terrorist attack to take place in Australia to justify himself.
There is so much that riles me from Tampa to Work Choices but always behind these developments that undermine our society, it was Howard’s guiding hand whether he acknowledged or denied. My politics are simple because they’re based on basic principles of humanism. If people are sick, there should be medical aid available to them no matter how much money they have. If people want an education, they should be able to get it. If people fall behind there should be some form of welfare support to help them and so on… This seems simple and realistic to me, what Government’s should do and not pander to big business or rogue states like the US. Why we’re in Iraq when we have the majority of an indigenous population living in third world conditions still perplexes me to this day. But all of this comes from Howard. He didn’t want to retire from his job so he sets an agenda called the “myth of early retirement” where he basically made it impossible for people to retire when they turned sixty. I guess this is fine if you’ve been behind your desk all your life and like to big note yourself on the world stage but for tradespeople who have undertaken forty years hard labour, don’t they have the right to retire? No says Howard because that’s the agenda that suits his selfish ethos.
And as I said, it is this arrogance that ultimately destroyed him and his party. If he had retired a year ago, Peter Costello would have become Prime Minister and I believe had a shot of winning against Rudd (as much as I would have hated the idea). But Howard, always self interested and arrogant, like the community he created, held on to it because he couldn’t see beyond his own narcissism and undying belief that he was right. Even when faced with polls saying he would lose and that he was out of touch with the general population, he ploughed on relentlessly. His line: “If you like the way the country is going, then vote for us.” It was almost like he couldn’t believe that anyone would think that, that his grand vision for the country could not be questioned. It was almost with disbelief last night that he conceded but the actions of this selfish man linger on. Peter Costello has decided against standing for the leadership of the Liberal Party, something he has coveted for years. Why? Because Howard’s selfishness made it a poison chalice and even Costello knows that he will never become Prime Minister because of Howard’s actions, he will merely be a pariah. You can see the pain on Costello’s face as he announced this decision and everyone knows that this is Howard’s doing. Not only did Howard doom himself but he also doomed his most loyal lieutenant. And this is why I’m glad he’s gone because there was never anything sacred to him that couldn’t be exploited for his own selfish ends. We’re all selfish in our ways but John Howard became the patron state of self interest, lying and disinterest in any sense of community or humanity. I think the Australian public got tired of this but not soon enough for my liking.
Will Rudd fair any better? All politicians speak in half truths and its unlikely that the promises of the election will be delivered so we’ll have to wait and see I guess. There are only two politicians (in the major parties) I can think of who speak their minds honestly: Tony Abbott and Bob Katter and both of them are bonkers. But I don’t think we’ll see the presumptuousness and arrogance of Howard for some time… The air seems a little fresher today, its almost like a weight has been lifted and that is a good thing for me. See I can be selfish too.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Election day live blog
A blow by blow as it happens account of my election night.
(Author's note: I was drunk when I wrote most of this so there's lot's of coarse language... so Mum, don't read it)
6.05 Watching the ABC! Kerry O'Brien is interviewing Julia Gillard who if Labor wins tonight will not only be the first female deputy prime minister but will be the female deputy prime minister who...
...looks like this but...
...talks like this. So if she wins it'll be a bit different, a bit special...
Everyone's cautious at this point but they expect to know something, anything at 6:30pm once some of the counts start coming in. Tony "Legend" Jones is interviewing some Labor hack. They all sound the same to me. Believe me, I'll be happy if Labor gets in not because its Labor but because its not John Howard and the Liberals. If there is a revolution tonight it will be a shift from the far right to the centre right but at least its a move to the left. My dream that everyone woke up this morning and decided to vote for the Greens seems slightly unrealistic.
6.22pm Labor are winning Eden Monaro!!! Well, after fifteen votes have been counted in some small town. Its a landslide!
6:39 Julia concedes that they lost the Greens preferences in Tasmania because of their support of the Gunns Pulp Mill. You fucked that up ya bastards. You'd be a shoe in if you'd opposed it!
6.49 Liberal member for Corangamite, Dracula! His opponent's last name is Cheeseman! First name Darren! Seriously!
7.10 Member for Cowper: Liberal Luke Hartsuyker (pronounced heart-sucker). Who knew the Liberals recruited their members from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
If John Howard wins, I'll be booking my flight out of the country for 10am tomorrow. Fact!
7:20pm They just showed a photo of Jackie Kelly where she looks kind of like she's posing for a mugshot of someone arrested for public drunkeness. Maybe it was taken around the time she said her racist leaflet campaign was a "Chaser-like" prank.
7:30pm At this point, it looks like Howard will lose his seat. Can we dare to dream?
7:41pm The Cheeseman beats Dracula to win Corangamite! Bennelong is sitting at a 6.6% swing against Howard. Kerry says this is an ALP gain. This news would be somewhere above spectacular and just below orgasmic!
7.57 They keep interviewing these fuckin' Liberal drones who are obviously going to lose. They keep saying "its not what I saw at the booths today, its not over yet..." WHEN! IT! IS! SO! OVER! Accept the reality you right wing automatons!
8:09 The liberals are blaming the Lyndsey leaflets for their crap showing in NSW. Yeah, it is that but also because we hate you! HATE YOU! And when I say we, I mean I, as in I hate you!
8:17 Kevin "People from Africa don't belong here" Andrews who if you didn't know is a racist prick retained his seat. BOO!!! Howard is making up ground. DOUBLE BOO!!! First glass of wine is being drunk...
8:32 Phone call comes through that Channel 9 have called it to Labor. Just turned it over and they have a banner that says Kevin Rudd Wins Election! Slightly presumptuous in that a) did Kevin Rudd or did Labor win Government and b) I trust the ABC who are being slightly more conservative and trustworthy than the swine at 9.
8:37 ABC calls Bennelong for McKew. I am officially ecstatic. Its gone past orgasmic and heading to the post-sex cigarette! Still reliant on postal votes though.
8.42 Kerry slips up when talking about Bennelong and says "with a swing to the ABC... I mean ALP." Bless!
8:48 What's with the photos of retiring mps? Trish Draper looks drunk too!
8:59
9:01 Channel 7 "It's a Ruddslide." Nice pun! Not really! I think "Howard's end" would have been better or "Death to the right wing oppressors!"
9:04 News.com.au says "LABOR WIN: The Labor Party has claimed victory in the federal election, with the race now becoming a matter of whether this will be a narrow win or a landslide triumph for Kevin Rudd and his team." Geez...
9:05 ABC says there is no doubt that the ALP are in Government! Fuck yeah!
9:08 Text messages are going crazy. Euphoria grabs the nation. Australia says John Howard! Fuck You! Its been a long campaign, about eleven years too long and I can finally sleep well at night. Now I just need to see Howard definitively lose and the Greens get some Senate seats and I'll be very happy.
9:13 The Official Election Night Winning Photo
9.19 Tony Jones "Amid all this cheering, we're going to talk to Fran Bailey"
Fran Bailey "They're cheering for me I think"
Tony Jones "They're not cheering for you."
Tony Jones = Legend!
9:23 Eden Monaro, the bell weather seat, goes to Labor...
9:24 Maxine McKew is in a media scrum. Winner! Can she make John Howard be the second sitting prime minister to lose his seat in history? Here's hoping! BTW Kerry loves Maxine...
9:27 My favourite named politician in Australia, Arch Bevis, retains his seat.
9:28 Maxine speaks! She's in shock! She hasn't claimed it though she seems kind of drunk and is saying all this hokey shit but bless her cotton socks. I mean really, no one expected her to do so well.
9:37 Malcolm Turnball and Bronwyn Bishop are back. The dead will rise apparently... Malcolm just said something about him and his Dad being in the showers down by the beach... er, I'm not sure that came out right.
9.43 Bob Brown is on.
I love Bobby. Yep, even though we haven't done that well we kicked righteous arse against you scumbag rightwing bastards! Quite rightly he points out that the ALP won on Green preferences! Go you little greenies! But as he says the senate result won't be know for a while...
9:55 Mal Brough says goodbye. Shouldn't go invading the Northern Territory is the lesson here I think. Just waiting for the concession speech. C'mon Johnny, you sniveling little bastard, concede defeat...
9:56 Peter Lyndsey, the arsehole Liberal from Townsville might lose to the guy who owns all the Townsville McDonalds. Burgers all round... Ahh good times...
10:00
10:09 Howard has called Rudd and conceded defeat. Champagne has arrived...
10:11 He's on his way to the Wentworth Hotel to make his speech... JOY!
10:18 ABC ticker thingy at the bottom says Maxine has beat Howard but nobody is going to make that call. Can't wait for the concession speech and see how much John Howard claims that the loss is not his fault. He's going to be bitter... Ding dong the witch is dead...
10:20 7.2% swing against Downer but not enough to get rid of him... bummer!
10:25 Peter Costello is crapping on. You lost it Petey, if only you'd had the balls to challenge Howard you might have had a sniff but I guess now you know you'll be the leader of the Liberal Party tomorrow. They'll keep you for a year and then dump you for Brendan Nelson... You read it here FIRST! Costello thanks the people who wasted their time working for him... fools!
10:27 he's got a shit eating grin even though they've lost. Finally, he will be leader... OF THE LOSING SIDE!!!
10:30 SMH Website says
Bwahahahahahahahahahahar!!!
10:32 News.com.au
I hate that pun...
10:33 Peter Costello says "blah de blah de blah." And is then cut off by Howard's arrival at Wentworth Hotel...
10:34 Here come the concession speech. I've waited eleven years for this. He looks visibly older tonight. Eat humble pie you bastard! He wishes Kevin well... nicely done because you fucked it mate. "Oh yeah, we bequeath Rudd a nation that is stronger and prouder and more prosperous..." and more racist and individualistic and hard than ever before. "Thanks to the Australian people..." I say no thanks for work choices, tampa, Iraq, the Northern territory, the destruction of higher education, the police state, this whole fucking mess... Whatever... bastards. The crowd yells "we love you John" but he's not feeling it... He grieves for his party and his favourite ministers including Mel Brough... Whatever. Johnny, its time to go. Pack ya bags...
10:41 The heckler is getting the better of him. God, he's losing on every front. OH HE ACCEPTS RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE LIBERAL DEFEAT! COLOUR ME SHOCKED. But he can't even say the words he wants Peter Costello to take over... HAHAHAHAHA! After all that united front stuff... Now he's banging on about how much he loves the Liberal party in a somewhat perverted manner. Scary!
10:45 He's starting to look relieved now that he's done it. I guess he'll join his local bowls club now and fade into obscurity. He now thanks Jeanette which is a fair call because he had to put up with this idiot for forever... Jeanette is straining to keep her smile... Its painful...
10:47 He thanks the people of Bennelong... who gave him the fuckin' boot... Yay!
10:48 Howard believes Australia's best years are ahead of him... well of course they are now that you're gone!
10:50 Bennelong has a 5.1 swing to Maxine. It'll come down to postal votes... Some Liberal guy is crapping on now... Oh its Nick Minchin... Whatever...
10:54 Minchin still banging on... Come on Kevin, make the speech, I got alcohol to drink...
11:00
11:03 Here comes Kevie to some funky music. He's so young and hip... he uses facebook!
11:06 Kevin bangs on about what a good job John Howard has he done... What is this shit? Have we been living in the same country? He's destroyed it! Ok that PC bullshit is over with and we're talking about the future... blah de blah... he's still better than Howard... He thanks everyone who voted labor which wasn't me, I always vote Green. I guess its only a matter of time before we start to dislike him but I can't imagine disliking him as much as I hate Howard - that's just a personal thing for me... "A Prime Minister for Indigenous Australians" Now THAT'S what I want to hear! Well alright!
11:10 Bloody hell, get on with it... its a ruddslide... bah what... I'm tired and drunked!
11:11 "Tomorrow the work begins..." but Kev, what about my impending hangover?
11:14 Still going... education, check... health, check... climate change... check...workplace reform, check... economy blah de blah!
11:16 He thanks Brisbane... has he been there? Geez...
11:19 Rudd thanks and pays tribute to Bernie Banton... fair call. Poor Bernie. James Hardie are bastards...
11:20 He thanks Julia and she laps it up...
11:21 Howard says:
11:22 Just thank your wife already so we can get on with partying...
11:23 Finally thanks his life partner and gets a hug. Its sweet and must mean the end soon... I'm happy and all but come on mate...
11:26000000 Still going...
11:27 Outta here. Ding dong the witch is dead, see Johnny, I won't miss you at all...
What a satisfying election that turned out to be. YAY!!! Howard is gone... its been a good day!
(Author's note: I was drunk when I wrote most of this so there's lot's of coarse language... so Mum, don't read it)
6.05 Watching the ABC! Kerry O'Brien is interviewing Julia Gillard who if Labor wins tonight will not only be the first female deputy prime minister but will be the female deputy prime minister who...
...looks like this but...
...talks like this. So if she wins it'll be a bit different, a bit special...
Everyone's cautious at this point but they expect to know something, anything at 6:30pm once some of the counts start coming in. Tony "Legend" Jones is interviewing some Labor hack. They all sound the same to me. Believe me, I'll be happy if Labor gets in not because its Labor but because its not John Howard and the Liberals. If there is a revolution tonight it will be a shift from the far right to the centre right but at least its a move to the left. My dream that everyone woke up this morning and decided to vote for the Greens seems slightly unrealistic.
6.22pm Labor are winning Eden Monaro!!! Well, after fifteen votes have been counted in some small town. Its a landslide!
6:39 Julia concedes that they lost the Greens preferences in Tasmania because of their support of the Gunns Pulp Mill. You fucked that up ya bastards. You'd be a shoe in if you'd opposed it!
6.49 Liberal member for Corangamite, Dracula! His opponent's last name is Cheeseman! First name Darren! Seriously!
7.10 Member for Cowper: Liberal Luke Hartsuyker (pronounced heart-sucker). Who knew the Liberals recruited their members from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
If John Howard wins, I'll be booking my flight out of the country for 10am tomorrow. Fact!
7:20pm They just showed a photo of Jackie Kelly where she looks kind of like she's posing for a mugshot of someone arrested for public drunkeness. Maybe it was taken around the time she said her racist leaflet campaign was a "Chaser-like" prank.
7:30pm At this point, it looks like Howard will lose his seat. Can we dare to dream?
7:41pm The Cheeseman beats Dracula to win Corangamite! Bennelong is sitting at a 6.6% swing against Howard. Kerry says this is an ALP gain. This news would be somewhere above spectacular and just below orgasmic!
7.57 They keep interviewing these fuckin' Liberal drones who are obviously going to lose. They keep saying "its not what I saw at the booths today, its not over yet..." WHEN! IT! IS! SO! OVER! Accept the reality you right wing automatons!
8:09 The liberals are blaming the Lyndsey leaflets for their crap showing in NSW. Yeah, it is that but also because we hate you! HATE YOU! And when I say we, I mean I, as in I hate you!
8:17 Kevin "People from Africa don't belong here" Andrews who if you didn't know is a racist prick retained his seat. BOO!!! Howard is making up ground. DOUBLE BOO!!! First glass of wine is being drunk...
8:32 Phone call comes through that Channel 9 have called it to Labor. Just turned it over and they have a banner that says Kevin Rudd Wins Election! Slightly presumptuous in that a) did Kevin Rudd or did Labor win Government and b) I trust the ABC who are being slightly more conservative and trustworthy than the swine at 9.
8:37 ABC calls Bennelong for McKew. I am officially ecstatic. Its gone past orgasmic and heading to the post-sex cigarette! Still reliant on postal votes though.
8.42 Kerry slips up when talking about Bennelong and says "with a swing to the ABC... I mean ALP." Bless!
8:48 What's with the photos of retiring mps? Trish Draper looks drunk too!
8:59
9:01 Channel 7 "It's a Ruddslide." Nice pun! Not really! I think "Howard's end" would have been better or "Death to the right wing oppressors!"
9:04 News.com.au says "LABOR WIN: The Labor Party has claimed victory in the federal election, with the race now becoming a matter of whether this will be a narrow win or a landslide triumph for Kevin Rudd and his team." Geez...
9:05 ABC says there is no doubt that the ALP are in Government! Fuck yeah!
9:08 Text messages are going crazy. Euphoria grabs the nation. Australia says John Howard! Fuck You! Its been a long campaign, about eleven years too long and I can finally sleep well at night. Now I just need to see Howard definitively lose and the Greens get some Senate seats and I'll be very happy.
9:13 The Official Election Night Winning Photo
9.19 Tony Jones "Amid all this cheering, we're going to talk to Fran Bailey"
Fran Bailey "They're cheering for me I think"
Tony Jones "They're not cheering for you."
Tony Jones = Legend!
9:23 Eden Monaro, the bell weather seat, goes to Labor...
9:24 Maxine McKew is in a media scrum. Winner! Can she make John Howard be the second sitting prime minister to lose his seat in history? Here's hoping! BTW Kerry loves Maxine...
9:27 My favourite named politician in Australia, Arch Bevis, retains his seat.
9:28 Maxine speaks! She's in shock! She hasn't claimed it though she seems kind of drunk and is saying all this hokey shit but bless her cotton socks. I mean really, no one expected her to do so well.
9:37 Malcolm Turnball and Bronwyn Bishop are back. The dead will rise apparently... Malcolm just said something about him and his Dad being in the showers down by the beach... er, I'm not sure that came out right.
9.43 Bob Brown is on.
I love Bobby. Yep, even though we haven't done that well we kicked righteous arse against you scumbag rightwing bastards! Quite rightly he points out that the ALP won on Green preferences! Go you little greenies! But as he says the senate result won't be know for a while...
9:55 Mal Brough says goodbye. Shouldn't go invading the Northern Territory is the lesson here I think. Just waiting for the concession speech. C'mon Johnny, you sniveling little bastard, concede defeat...
9:56 Peter Lyndsey, the arsehole Liberal from Townsville might lose to the guy who owns all the Townsville McDonalds. Burgers all round... Ahh good times...
10:00
10:09 Howard has called Rudd and conceded defeat. Champagne has arrived...
10:11 He's on his way to the Wentworth Hotel to make his speech... JOY!
10:18 ABC ticker thingy at the bottom says Maxine has beat Howard but nobody is going to make that call. Can't wait for the concession speech and see how much John Howard claims that the loss is not his fault. He's going to be bitter... Ding dong the witch is dead...
10:20 7.2% swing against Downer but not enough to get rid of him... bummer!
10:25 Peter Costello is crapping on. You lost it Petey, if only you'd had the balls to challenge Howard you might have had a sniff but I guess now you know you'll be the leader of the Liberal Party tomorrow. They'll keep you for a year and then dump you for Brendan Nelson... You read it here FIRST! Costello thanks the people who wasted their time working for him... fools!
10:27 he's got a shit eating grin even though they've lost. Finally, he will be leader... OF THE LOSING SIDE!!!
10:30 SMH Website says
Bwahahahahahahahahahahar!!!
10:32 News.com.au
I hate that pun...
10:33 Peter Costello says "blah de blah de blah." And is then cut off by Howard's arrival at Wentworth Hotel...
10:34 Here come the concession speech. I've waited eleven years for this. He looks visibly older tonight. Eat humble pie you bastard! He wishes Kevin well... nicely done because you fucked it mate. "Oh yeah, we bequeath Rudd a nation that is stronger and prouder and more prosperous..." and more racist and individualistic and hard than ever before. "Thanks to the Australian people..." I say no thanks for work choices, tampa, Iraq, the Northern territory, the destruction of higher education, the police state, this whole fucking mess... Whatever... bastards. The crowd yells "we love you John" but he's not feeling it... He grieves for his party and his favourite ministers including Mel Brough... Whatever. Johnny, its time to go. Pack ya bags...
10:41 The heckler is getting the better of him. God, he's losing on every front. OH HE ACCEPTS RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE LIBERAL DEFEAT! COLOUR ME SHOCKED. But he can't even say the words he wants Peter Costello to take over... HAHAHAHAHA! After all that united front stuff... Now he's banging on about how much he loves the Liberal party in a somewhat perverted manner. Scary!
10:45 He's starting to look relieved now that he's done it. I guess he'll join his local bowls club now and fade into obscurity. He now thanks Jeanette which is a fair call because he had to put up with this idiot for forever... Jeanette is straining to keep her smile... Its painful...
10:47 He thanks the people of Bennelong... who gave him the fuckin' boot... Yay!
10:48 Howard believes Australia's best years are ahead of him... well of course they are now that you're gone!
10:50 Bennelong has a 5.1 swing to Maxine. It'll come down to postal votes... Some Liberal guy is crapping on now... Oh its Nick Minchin... Whatever...
10:54 Minchin still banging on... Come on Kevin, make the speech, I got alcohol to drink...
11:00
11:03 Here comes Kevie to some funky music. He's so young and hip... he uses facebook!
11:06 Kevin bangs on about what a good job John Howard has he done... What is this shit? Have we been living in the same country? He's destroyed it! Ok that PC bullshit is over with and we're talking about the future... blah de blah... he's still better than Howard... He thanks everyone who voted labor which wasn't me, I always vote Green. I guess its only a matter of time before we start to dislike him but I can't imagine disliking him as much as I hate Howard - that's just a personal thing for me... "A Prime Minister for Indigenous Australians" Now THAT'S what I want to hear! Well alright!
11:10 Bloody hell, get on with it... its a ruddslide... bah what... I'm tired and drunked!
11:11 "Tomorrow the work begins..." but Kev, what about my impending hangover?
11:14 Still going... education, check... health, check... climate change... check...workplace reform, check... economy blah de blah!
11:16 He thanks Brisbane... has he been there? Geez...
11:19 Rudd thanks and pays tribute to Bernie Banton... fair call. Poor Bernie. James Hardie are bastards...
11:20 He thanks Julia and she laps it up...
11:21 Howard says:
11:22 Just thank your wife already so we can get on with partying...
11:23 Finally thanks his life partner and gets a hug. Its sweet and must mean the end soon... I'm happy and all but come on mate...
11:26000000 Still going...
11:27 Outta here. Ding dong the witch is dead, see Johnny, I won't miss you at all...
What a satisfying election that turned out to be. YAY!!! Howard is gone... its been a good day!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Headline of the day
First line: "John Howard faces annihilation in tomorrow's election..." Ahh good times but best not to count my chickens. If he gets back in, I'm done, I'm leaving the country but I am quietly hopeful that he will be CRUSHED...
And if you're wondering what I'll be doing tomorrow, here's who I'm voting for...
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The real victims of the Sydney rental crisis
I suffer from a number of phobias such as heights, drowning, spiders etc but I feel only two of my many fears can genuinely be called legitimate:
Fear 1: Daryl Sommers’ singing
Fear 2: Zombie invasion
While fear 1 is something that is common amongst the majority of the Australian population, it can be managed by boycotting Channel 7 and never, ever watching celebrity dancing shows… ever. However, fear 2 is harder to predict. If you study popular culture, it appears that a zombie invasion is inevitable but certainly less manageable than Daryl Sommers. Zombies could attack at any moment where Daryl and his z-grade celebrities (who may or may not be zombies already) appear at the same time, same channel every week. Let us pray they never happen at the same time.
Am I prepared? Yes, I am. Whether they are the lurching Romero undead zombies of the 60s or the batshit crazy, virus infected sprinting zombies of 28 Days Later I have undertaken every precaution to be ready. I can run. I have supplies. I have an escape plan. And that plan includes a machete and a shotgun. However, if the army of the undead rises get the fuck outta my way because the plan doesn’t include you, just my survival and a trail of zombie corpses in my wake.
Ever since I saw that film, 28 Days Later, I have been obsessed about being ready for this inevitability. In fact, on the night of seeing that movie, I was lying in bed mentally running through a zombie OH&S assessment of my girlfriend’s house where I was staying. Big windows, multiple access points, few sharp objects that could be easily converted into weapons… it was clear she had to move. To be honest, every house I have lived in since seeing this film, I have undertaken a strict zombie infiltration assessment. You might think I’m joking but I’m really not. Some people look for storage space and wooden floors, I look for strategic escape routes from the undead.
This is what makes the current rental crisis in Sydney that much more critical as its hard enough to find accommodation full stop, let alone that with adequate enough security to withstand the first few weeks of a deadly monkey rage virus that makes its victims run like Ben Johnson and slobber like emos at a My Chemical Romance concert. Of course, no matter how many dashing young scientists or crazy old men warn politicians, they just won’t listen to reason. They won’t change building regulations to incorporate proper protection nor segregate the housing market into those who are prepared for this looming crisis and those who are not. And frankly, if you’re not prepared, you’re just another welcome obstacle between the attacking zombie hordes and me.
As such, I feel that it is people such as myself whom are suffering the most in this rental crisis. With some recognition of the looming zombie apocalypse, careful town planning and some pluck, we can change things so that so that the unprepared can be deservedly the first on the menu in the zombie attack while I can be given some hope of survival with adequate housing. Come on people, its not hard… it just takes some braaaaaaaaaaains!!!
Fear 1: Daryl Sommers’ singing
Fear 2: Zombie invasion
While fear 1 is something that is common amongst the majority of the Australian population, it can be managed by boycotting Channel 7 and never, ever watching celebrity dancing shows… ever. However, fear 2 is harder to predict. If you study popular culture, it appears that a zombie invasion is inevitable but certainly less manageable than Daryl Sommers. Zombies could attack at any moment where Daryl and his z-grade celebrities (who may or may not be zombies already) appear at the same time, same channel every week. Let us pray they never happen at the same time.
Am I prepared? Yes, I am. Whether they are the lurching Romero undead zombies of the 60s or the batshit crazy, virus infected sprinting zombies of 28 Days Later I have undertaken every precaution to be ready. I can run. I have supplies. I have an escape plan. And that plan includes a machete and a shotgun. However, if the army of the undead rises get the fuck outta my way because the plan doesn’t include you, just my survival and a trail of zombie corpses in my wake.
Ever since I saw that film, 28 Days Later, I have been obsessed about being ready for this inevitability. In fact, on the night of seeing that movie, I was lying in bed mentally running through a zombie OH&S assessment of my girlfriend’s house where I was staying. Big windows, multiple access points, few sharp objects that could be easily converted into weapons… it was clear she had to move. To be honest, every house I have lived in since seeing this film, I have undertaken a strict zombie infiltration assessment. You might think I’m joking but I’m really not. Some people look for storage space and wooden floors, I look for strategic escape routes from the undead.
This is what makes the current rental crisis in Sydney that much more critical as its hard enough to find accommodation full stop, let alone that with adequate enough security to withstand the first few weeks of a deadly monkey rage virus that makes its victims run like Ben Johnson and slobber like emos at a My Chemical Romance concert. Of course, no matter how many dashing young scientists or crazy old men warn politicians, they just won’t listen to reason. They won’t change building regulations to incorporate proper protection nor segregate the housing market into those who are prepared for this looming crisis and those who are not. And frankly, if you’re not prepared, you’re just another welcome obstacle between the attacking zombie hordes and me.
As such, I feel that it is people such as myself whom are suffering the most in this rental crisis. With some recognition of the looming zombie apocalypse, careful town planning and some pluck, we can change things so that so that the unprepared can be deservedly the first on the menu in the zombie attack while I can be given some hope of survival with adequate housing. Come on people, its not hard… it just takes some braaaaaaaaaaains!!!
Friday, October 05, 2007
Three things I know for sure...
Sorry I've been neglecting you, my dear blog, but I have been away researching the three following things:
1. Die Hard 4.0 is the greatest movie ever made. Bar none. Its fact, don't fight it. Now you may call me crazy and try to have me locked up in an insane asylum but Citizen Kane has finally been overtaken as the greatest cinematic achievement of all time. Watching this masterpiece, you start to see little flaws of logic as to how Bruce Willis could drive from New York to Washington to Baltimore then to West Virginia to some other place within the space of an hour but you soon forget such trivial issues when he jumps from his exploding truck onto the wing of a passing fighter jet. Every movie should have the line "You killed a helicopter with a car." Actually, scrub that, no more movies should ever be made because perfection has been reached.
2. Being an air stewardess or steward is a thankless job even though you get to go to cool places. So I have decided that no matter how many times I have seen the safety instructions, I will watch them intently. Why? Because no one else seems to and that's sad because its the stewardesses/stewards moment in the sun, their time to shine and I want them to know they have my full attention so they can enjoy that moment. Well, ok, I'll watch most of the time and pretend to pay attention all the other times like when people are talking to me about their problems. Promise. I'm joking, I never pay attention to people's problems...
3. See this grainy, camera phone photo which looks like it was suspiciously smuggled out of somewhere paparazzi style? Well, that's me in hospital with a kidney stone which for anyone who hasn't had one feels like a 6ft skinhead trying to kick his way out of your kidney. When the Doctor asked me to describe what was going on I said the following "Its something to do with my kidney, kidney pain, kidney infection, kidney death, kidney plague, I don't know what it is but I can assure you it hurts." This was while I was writhing around in agony waiting for the panadeine forte to kick in after three hours. By this time my 6ft skinhead had escalated into a full on football riot.
So kids: Dehydration + hot days = kidney stones. That's what I found out in the time I've been gone.
1. Die Hard 4.0 is the greatest movie ever made. Bar none. Its fact, don't fight it. Now you may call me crazy and try to have me locked up in an insane asylum but Citizen Kane has finally been overtaken as the greatest cinematic achievement of all time. Watching this masterpiece, you start to see little flaws of logic as to how Bruce Willis could drive from New York to Washington to Baltimore then to West Virginia to some other place within the space of an hour but you soon forget such trivial issues when he jumps from his exploding truck onto the wing of a passing fighter jet. Every movie should have the line "You killed a helicopter with a car." Actually, scrub that, no more movies should ever be made because perfection has been reached.
2. Being an air stewardess or steward is a thankless job even though you get to go to cool places. So I have decided that no matter how many times I have seen the safety instructions, I will watch them intently. Why? Because no one else seems to and that's sad because its the stewardesses/stewards moment in the sun, their time to shine and I want them to know they have my full attention so they can enjoy that moment. Well, ok, I'll watch most of the time and pretend to pay attention all the other times like when people are talking to me about their problems. Promise. I'm joking, I never pay attention to people's problems...
3. See this grainy, camera phone photo which looks like it was suspiciously smuggled out of somewhere paparazzi style? Well, that's me in hospital with a kidney stone which for anyone who hasn't had one feels like a 6ft skinhead trying to kick his way out of your kidney. When the Doctor asked me to describe what was going on I said the following "Its something to do with my kidney, kidney pain, kidney infection, kidney death, kidney plague, I don't know what it is but I can assure you it hurts." This was while I was writhing around in agony waiting for the panadeine forte to kick in after three hours. By this time my 6ft skinhead had escalated into a full on football riot.
So kids: Dehydration + hot days = kidney stones. That's what I found out in the time I've been gone.
Monday, September 10, 2007
The NSW Government Presents: Sydney
Sydney: Beautiful sunrises...
...magnificent beaches...
...stunning city scapes...
...friendly people...
...excellent public transport...
...fun festivals...
The NSW Government: Nobody's home to reason or moderation...
Goodnight sweet fascist...
Goodnight.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Sink to the bottom
You know, I love wanton destruction and walking around London allowed me to relive some of my favourite scenes of destruction from popular culture.
For example, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament...
...which were destroyed so brilliantly in V for Vendetta.
And the BT Tower...
...which was pulled down by the awesome destructive power of Kitten Kong in the Goodies.
Anyhow, I spent a lot of time in London checking out the National Gallery and the National Potrait Gallery. It was at the National Gallery that I saw one of my all time favourite paintings, Jan van Eyck's Arnolfini Portrait. I was just stunned as I turned the corner and with no warning, there it was. I could have cried as I've always wanted to see it and in real life, it is far more beautiful than any reproduction I've seen. At this point, I felt that I had definitely had reached the cultural highpoint of my trip and was just ecstatic at having the experience of seeing this masterpiece in the flesh. Satisfied, I went to see Transformers, another cultural highpoint (which was as great as you'd expect for a movie about robots from outer space that fight each other and then turn into household objects).
--
Update: so under the cover of darkness I have returned to Australia and am currently getting over my jetlag. My world trip was cut short because I decided to have a good time in Europe rather than a frugal one so I ended up burning through my travel budget quicker than I had hoped. But that's really not a problem because I have experienced so much this year that I can hardly complain. Everything from walking Tiger Leaping Gorge to meeting my wonderful family back in the UK, the trip has been life defining, amazing and almost as a good as a film about battling robots from outerspace. Even better, I'd venture. I'm not sure what the future holds at the moment but it probably involves some form of work (boo) and finding somewhere to live. I'm not sure about the future of the blog as it seems redundant to have a travel blog when you're not travelling but we'll see. I have enjoyed writing it so maybe I'll rename it the Crappy Life Blog and see if I can think of anything to write about. I will definitely be putting a few more photos up once I've sorted through them all.
Anyhow, thanks to all the people who took care of me on this trip and thanks for looking at the blog. Its been swell.
For example, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament...
...which were destroyed so brilliantly in V for Vendetta.
And the BT Tower...
...which was pulled down by the awesome destructive power of Kitten Kong in the Goodies.
Anyhow, I spent a lot of time in London checking out the National Gallery and the National Potrait Gallery. It was at the National Gallery that I saw one of my all time favourite paintings, Jan van Eyck's Arnolfini Portrait. I was just stunned as I turned the corner and with no warning, there it was. I could have cried as I've always wanted to see it and in real life, it is far more beautiful than any reproduction I've seen. At this point, I felt that I had definitely had reached the cultural highpoint of my trip and was just ecstatic at having the experience of seeing this masterpiece in the flesh. Satisfied, I went to see Transformers, another cultural highpoint (which was as great as you'd expect for a movie about robots from outer space that fight each other and then turn into household objects).
--
Update: so under the cover of darkness I have returned to Australia and am currently getting over my jetlag. My world trip was cut short because I decided to have a good time in Europe rather than a frugal one so I ended up burning through my travel budget quicker than I had hoped. But that's really not a problem because I have experienced so much this year that I can hardly complain. Everything from walking Tiger Leaping Gorge to meeting my wonderful family back in the UK, the trip has been life defining, amazing and almost as a good as a film about battling robots from outerspace. Even better, I'd venture. I'm not sure what the future holds at the moment but it probably involves some form of work (boo) and finding somewhere to live. I'm not sure about the future of the blog as it seems redundant to have a travel blog when you're not travelling but we'll see. I have enjoyed writing it so maybe I'll rename it the Crappy Life Blog and see if I can think of anything to write about. I will definitely be putting a few more photos up once I've sorted through them all.
Anyhow, thanks to all the people who took care of me on this trip and thanks for looking at the blog. Its been swell.
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